© Breeze Vincinz
So this idea did not totally originate from me. It actually was a post on a blog from an eFriend who posted his own application for love. I thought it was a little silly at first. I have become so jaded in my old age. There was a time I so believed in love and love at first sight. At tearing out those little "Love Is…" cartoons in the paper and keeping them in your wallet because they remind you of you baby. I used to burn CDs for my last notaboyfriend complete with illustrations and poetry printed on the labels. Dude… how fucked in the head was I to be doing some shit like that?
But alas, I was in love. And when you're in love, you do shit like that. And truth be told, and let's just keep this between you and me, I miss being in love. I miss having somebody on my side. I miss having somebody to feel all goofy, and cheesy and G-Rated about. I miss having somebody's name to write beside my own and wonder how the tattoo would turn out if I threw in a couple of roses and maybe a bear. I miss love.
So this application is just my little way of reminding myself that it's okay to be corny and a little cheesy. Besides, Valentine's Day is coming up and prospects are quite low this year for the old Breeze. So fill it out to the best of your knowledge. All applicants will receive a reply. I am an EOB (Equal Opportunity Brotha), all should apply. Fats and Femmes to the front of the line. Use additional sheets if necessary.
Applicants chosen will receive a date with Breeze which will include the following:
- Dinner at some high class restaurant like Chez Mac Don Alls or Jaque N Dabocks
- Movie of your choice as long as it is R-Rated and I want to see it
- A hell of a story to tell your grandkids (or wife depending on who you are)
BREEZE'S APPLICATION FOR LOVE
Name:
Birthplace:
Current Living:
Age:
Ethnicity:
Zodiac Sign:
Marital Status:
Have Kids: Yes No
Want Kids: Yes No
Do you know God? Yes No
Do you mention it every five fucking minutes? Yes No
Do you do drink/do drugs? Yes No
Are you willing share? Yes No
Are you a liar? Yes No
Was your answer to the previous question a lie? Yes No
Seriously dude, did you just fucking lie AGAIN? Yes No
Drag Queens:Deplorable or Damn Funny
Do you go to the gym? Yes No
Do you mention it every five fucking minutes? Yes No
Have you ever lived outside of the city you were raised in? Where?
Who's your favorite artist within the R&B/Hip-Hop Realm?
Who's your favorite artist outside the R&B/Hip-Hop Realm?
Are you bald? Yes No
If yes, can I sit on your head? Yes No
Do you have at least one Janet Jackson poster taped to your wall? Yes No
Pornography: Good or Gross
Are you more: introverted or extroverted?
Are you financially stable? Yes No
If yes, if I were to propose giving you a vigorous blowjob and maybe a rim job for… let's say... a CAR… would you consider that prostitution? Yes No
Would that be a problem for you? Yes No
Do you still live with your parent(s)? Yes No
Would fucking in their house be a problem?(circle one) Yes No
Would you object if I were to ask them to join if they heard us? Yes No
Did you spend the equivalent of a year's minimum wage on your wardrobe last year? Yes No
If yes, how does that make you feel?
If you answered "Fabulous" on the last question, are you blonde? Yes No
What do you want to do when you grow up?
Are you afraid to be happy? Yes No
Are you better talker or listener? Yes No
Does it take you a long time to have an orgasm? Yes No
Do you sometimes use marital aids to get you off? Yes No
When they are not available, do you resort to kitchen utensils? Yes No
Do you have a dishwasher? Yes No
Do you like to cook? Yes No
Do you like to eat out? Yes No
If yes, do you use a mint afterwards? Yes No
Would you be offended if, while performing oral sex I were to say, "Oh yeah, take that daddy's little fuck slut?" Yes No
How about during anal sex? Yes No
Would you be up for playing a little game I like to call "R. Kelly and the Teenage Choir Boy"? Yes No
Lastly, are you or have you EVER been a bus driver? Yes No
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